Vs.

We all knew something like this would happen eventually. The overbranding of franchises like Hello Kitty, Pokemon, and other anime products in China has caused the public to completely lose common sense when it comes to animals.

I guess you could call it a perfect marketing campaign. These cutesy portrayals of personified pandas have gone on to replace the proper image of the ferocious beast that lies beneath that black and white fur. I present to you, Exhibit A:

"Panda Bites Student Seeking A Hug" - CNN November 22, 2008

It was only a matter of time, right? This 'student' in question was a 20-year old college student not under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time. So there goes that explanation. Seriously, after this guy was mauled by the panda while breaking into his cage and 'trying to hug him' he said:

"Yang Yang was so cute, and I just wanted to cuddle him. I didn't expect he would attack," the 20-year-old student, surnamed Liu, said in a local hospital.

As deserved as China's bad rap for this is, we Americans are treading a fine line with our own Kung Fu Panda stuff.

It's interesting to look at how the Wall Street crisis influences so many different sectors of the economy.

The NY Post had a short item in this morning's paper about strip clubs being affected. Wow, they have truly mastered the power of alliteration:

WALL Street's financial crisis has trickled down to Manhattan's mammary meccas. A source tells us jiggle joints all over the city are seeing a drop in business, with fewer customers, less bar traffic and a drop in lap dances. "The strippers at Penthouse Executive Club are all moaning and groaning," one insider tells us. "They say they aren't making anything at all since the market crashed."

Manhattan's mammary meccas, jiggle joints? Genius. Although they forgot 'boob buildings', 'D-cup domiciles', and 'nipple nebula'.

But as unfortunate as it is for Manhattan's residents to get frugal with their paid toplessness, what's it like for the rest of the country? We'll take a look at one unfortunate recent anecdote that's too weird to ignore.

The alcohol business is one of the few industries that improves sales during times of economic hardship. We even postulated that liquor and beer might be recession-proof, but now some hard evidence has emerged showing that Wall Street is really reaching for that bottle after last week's mess. And who can blame them?

Crain's New York quoted some Manhattan liquor stores talking about their increased sales reports last week:

1.) “Vodka and scotch sales are up, there’s no question about that,” said Chris Adams, executive vice president of Sherry-Lehmann Wines & Spirits, on 59th Street. He says that traffic in his store has increased this month—over the counter sales are up 23%, and delivery volume is up about 18%, compared to last year. But, he added, revenues have remained flat. “We have more people coming in, and people are buying more wine and liquor, but they’re trading down,” he said.

2.) Red White & Bubbly in Park Slope, Brooklyn, is noticing a similar trend. “People who normally buy a $22 bottle of wine are now buying a $16 or $17 bottle,” said Darrin Siegfried, owner of the store. He also noticed another slight change in his customers’ behavior. Usually, about 10% of his business is spirits sales, but that’s jumped up to about 15% over the past two months.

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First Coney Island closed for good, then Yankee Stadium shut off the lights, and now another venerable New York City institution is being called dead -- Wall Street, as we know it. (Don't worry, we're going to keep 'fighting' it in its new incarnation).

All the talk of Wall Street being no more comes from the news that Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, the last two standing major investment banks announced they are now becoming bank holding companies.

How is this different from what they were before? Well, they were worried they would be taken over by commercial banks (like Merrill Lynch and BofA last week) or have to file for bankruptcy (Lehman Brothers). In order to avoid making that big decision, they essentially asked the Fed if they could 'become' commercial banks.

This new classification will allow Morgan and Goldman (the two guys we all thought would make it out of this one alive because they were halfway decent) to add commercial banking divisions and raise much needed funds. It's not clear exactly how they plan on becoming these new commercial banks, referring to whether it will be in name only or we'll actually have the chance to get that Goldman Sachs debit card and checking account we've always dreamed about.

One change from investment banking will be a shift from under the auspices of the SEC to the divine wisdom of Ben Bernanke and the Federal Reserve. The new players will get permanent access to the Fed's liquidity 'sustenance' devices. Drink up, boys, the taxpayers are paying for it.

It's official, Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc., the 158-year old American banking institution, is no better than the failed Bennigans restaurant franchise -- it will file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy later today.

This puts a dramatic and disastrous conclusion to a whirlwind weekend for the firm that seemed to be in the driver's seat with a deal on the table from Bank of America and Barclay's no less than 24 hours ago. Only time will tell what really soured the chances of that life-saving deal being completed (some are saying it was Lehman CEO Dick Fuld's ham-fisted approach and incredible arrogance), but one thing is clear: the effen credit crisis is one bad ass mofo that can topple even the untouchable. Here's a little video recap from across the pond (BBC) on how we got here:

Lehman Brothers Bankruptcy - Watch more free videos

All the local New York news stations had footage of Lehman employees marching out of company headquarters in midtown Manhattan with all their personal belongings in cardboard boxes and gym bags. One guy had an incredible hulk t-shirt and Mets baseball cap on. Proper attire for such an incredibly shitty situation? You be the judge, but cut him some slack.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg, the rest of this weekend's shitshow after the jump:

So it's 3:30 AM EST on a Sunday morning. Everyone just got back from the bars, their drunk-dialing phones have been put to rest, and their Facebook accounts are officially locked after too many incorrect password attempts. What better time to announce the 2nd (after Bear) biggest financial deal of the year?!

Looks like the Lehman Brothers deal, which everyone has been fretting over this week, has come to an assumed conclusion. According to DealBreaker's most recent late night post, the latest rumor is that the firm will be split up into a 'good bank' and a 'bad bank'. And everyone's favorite Sam the Eagle look-alike, Lehman CEO Dick Fuld, will be required to step down.

Bank of America, along with a little help from Barclay's and Nomura will take the majority of 'the good stuff' from this deal. Good thing for taxpayers -- you're off the hook, no government backing (can we have that in writing?).

Gates and Seinfeld are back in Part 2 of their 'New Face of Microsoft' advertisements. In case you missed it, here is Part 1.

This new spot is a little longer (4:30), but actually explains the whole point of the thing. Bill and Jerry are on a fact-finding mission to reconnect with the average Americans. Hilarity ensues? Not really.

After the jump check out our minute-by-minute recap of where they went wrong:
New Family - Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates (Long Version) - Watch more free videos

Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. and its CEO Dick Fuld are just having one of those days today.

Actually, it's been more like a week. A week where one of Wall Street's top bulge bracket firms saw the value of its stock drop 72%. Ouch.

As we've said many times, the credit crisis has not been very kind to the financial sector. But Lehman just seems to be taking one of the biggest hits this time. They announced a third quarter loss of nearly $4 billion dollars and many analysts aren't sure they'll be in business for much longer.

Let's take a fantastic trip down memory lane to see how we got here:

Axe shower gel is a success story in my opinion because they somehow made it OK for dudes to spend 6 friggin bucks on a fancy bottle of soap. Soap?! Guy used to hate soap.

And how did they do it? By making manly-as-hell commercials like this one that makes fun of pussies who use girly soaps. You all know you've done it. You ran out of 'Irish Spring Sport' at home and dabbled with a little of your girlfriend's Herbal Essences or Suave Body Wash. "Oooh strawberry scented!", you said. "I like strawberries, why not?", you wondered. Big mistake, buddy!

Well now you can forever feel shame for not being a man who gets rubbed down by hot 'furry fetish' chicks in a large public fountain. Shame on you, men. The following commercial is currently only running in Argentina, but for the sake of non-pussies everywhere I hope it comes stateside PRONTO!

Axe Soap Makes You A Man - Watch more free videos

(via) AdFreak: Getting dressed by animals is always sketchy, September 10, 2008

Let me first assure everyone that the world will probably not come to an end because of this but, it may forever ruin our innocence.

Vending machine-made pizza is a very real and legitimate business opportunity that is making its way to our American shores.

Earlier today, the "She Eats" blog posted a picture of a new American 'Tombstone Pizza' vending machine wedged in between a candy and red bull machine. It has arrived.

But the idea of a vending machine that makes pizza has been around for a while. A company called 'Wonder Pizza Italy' has been creating and placing machines like the one pictured around the world for the past 5 years. (pictures and video after the jump):