What's a better way to start off a humid work week than with a nice cold root beer float? I believe the answer to that question is a real beer, but this will have to do.

A&W, America's #1 selling Root Beer brand which also has over 700 fast-food restaurants in the United States, will be giving away a free no-purchase necessary root beer float to anyone who enters a store.

The offer is valid today, June 16th, from 2 pm to 8 pm. Use this handy store locater to find the closest one to you. Unfortunately for me and everyone else in the NYC/NJ area, the closest ones are in either Levittown, PA or in Levittown, Long Island NY. That's a weird coincidence, right?

According to Business First - A&W, which is owned by Yum Brands (KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, etc.), is featuring this promotion to get Americans over high gas prices and high food costs:

"We want to give people a great start to their summer and a little economic relief by treating America to one of their favorite sweets, the A&W Root Beer Float," Ben Butler, the company's president, said in a news release.

Not really sure how driving to an A&W will help 'get over high fuel costs', but it's probably best to not ask questions and just gulp down a few of these non-alcoholic 'cold ones'.

Business First: A&W Gives Free Root Beer Floats Monday, June 13, 2008 via Consumerist

Minor League Baseball is well known for its wacky promotions and free giveaways, but this one might be going a little too far.

The independent league Grand Prairie Airhogs, playing out of Grand Prairie, Texas (between Dallas and Fort Worth), are giving away an all expenses paid funeral to a fan at today's game.

According to the team's press release:

“We thought this promotion was a great opportunity for us to showcase Irving’s newest funeral home,” said Chapel of Roses Funeral Director, Charlotte Chism Waldrum. “We are excited to be partnering with the AirHogs in their inaugural season."

Upon the winning fan's death they will be garnered with a casket with their choice of color (black?), professional fees (undertaker charges), burial preparation (embalming), use of facilities (burial plot space), vehicle services (hearse), and the burial plot will also include a 24" x 14" granite marker with a zinc base. You gotta go with the zinc on that kind of hardware.

As the press release continues, more strange details emerge:

Fans of all ages are welcome to participate in the promotion. Registration will be accepted immediately and will continue until 6:15p.m. on June 3. Fans can either call to register or can visit the fan assistance booth during the games. Twenty people will be selected randomly from the pre-entries and will be announced after the pre-game funeral march. Throughout the game, competitions will be held between the twenty selected to determine who will be the winner. The lucky individual will be selected in the middle of the eighth inning.

Some of the in-game-festivities will include: pallbearer races, mummy wrapping, eulogy deliveries, and much more! Fans are encouraged to wear black to the game.

You've gotta be kidding me with this one. Fans of all ages? What if some little kid ends up winning this thing? That's going to be pretty morbid. And it appears as though 'The Airhogs' have very little respect for the dead with 'games' like pallbearer races and eulogy contests.

However, as far as funeral home/minor league baseball promotions go, this is some brilliant marketing. Being the inaugural 'season' for both the team and the funeral home, it's a can't miss crossover, right? Everybody's gotta die sometime.

Grand Prairie Airhogs: Airhogs Give Away Free Funeral, June 3, 2008

CNBC Sports Biz: Free Funeral, The Latest Promotional 'Plot' For Baseball, June 3, 2008

Dunkin' Donuts is giving away a free 16 oz. cup of iced coffee today (March 15, 2008). Anyone who walks into a DD store is entitled to one with any preferred fixins or flavors.

Pair that with the free chicken sandwich you can get at McDonald's today, and you've got yourself a meal right there. But wait, one more to add to the list of freebies on this otherwise completely arbitrary day - Redbox is giving away a free DVD rental if you sign up on their website.

But how can these businesses do this?

McDonald's plans to give away 2 million of its Southern Style chicken biscuits this morning and another 6 chicken sandwiches during the lunch and dinner hours today. Dunkin' Donuts also estimates that it will give away 4 million cups of iced coffee during the hours of the free promotion from 10 am to 10pm.

In addition to the expense of giving away these items with no immediate profit, both companies have launched expensive ad campaigns in print, on the radio, and through new TV commercials to get the word out about this giveaway day bonanza.

A Wired cover story from March explains the origins of the 'free giveaway' business model, using the 1895 story of the founder of the Gillette razor blade company:

By giving away the razors, which were useless by themselves, he was creating demand for disposable blades. A few billion blades later, this business model is now the foundation of entire industries: Give away the cell phone, sell the monthly plan; make the videogame console cheap and sell expensive games; install fancy coffeemakers in offices at no charge so you can sell managers expensive coffee sachets.

The same model carries over to these Dunkin' and McDonald's giveaways. Statistics and research have proven that enticing a buyer into a store with freebies highly increases the likelihood that individual will return to make a purchase at a later date.

In one simple way, it may motivate a thrifty consumer to locate their closest Dunkin' Donuts store. Starbucks also started a similar campaign last month while unveiling their new 'Pike Roast' coffee flavor.

It was a 'back-to-basics' approach for Starbucks. The coffee brand had been suffering major losses from consumers who could no longer justify expensive morning lattes during these hard-fought days of the recession. So the 'bucks implemented a 'free cup day' coupled with a card that would allow participants free cups each week for the rest of that month.

I just wish more companies I use would follow this business model. Who could say no to the prospect of getting a free introductory lap dance or better yet, a free bottle of Jack Daniels with the purchase of a new handgun?

Wired: Free! Why $0.00 Is the Future of Business, March, 2008

Baltimore Sun: Free Stuff, May 15, 2008

1.) Dunkin' Donuts is giving away a free donut to every customer who purchases a hot coffee of any size today in honor of Tax Day.
2.) Chipotle, a great burrito chain restaurant, says if you purchase a burrito today and show the receipt tomorrow, you will receive another one for free.
3.) You can also get a pizza for $10.40, today only, at Papa John's.

That's a nice high-calorie breakfast, lunch, and dinner right there.

Just wondering if those donuts are decorated with a tax theme. Dollar sign sprinkles, maybe? IRS icing? The most accurate route would be to give a dozen of the freshest Boston Cremes to anyone earning over $500K-a-year.

And if all this is just reminding you now that you haven't done a lick of your taxes, you're going to want to file for an easy no-questions-asked extension. Make sure you don't give the whole tax-paying system a complete skip this year, or you won't get your government funded $600 economic stimulus check. (Most will be distributed in the first few weeks of May, while those filing extensions will receive theirs later.)