In light of all the recent news surrounding airline bankruptcies and mergers, you might want to heed these warning signs...

10. They hedged their fuel by buying $500 in Sam's Club Fuel Cards

9. The new sign in the terminal reads "BYOB" Bring Your Own Blankets

8. The Flight Attendant asks if she can borrow your iPod touch to plug in to the video unit so they can have an in flight movie

7. You look into the cockpit and noticed that the pilots are those blow up dummies from the movie "Airplane"

6. There are Google Ads running on the back of all the seats

5. Last 5 People Off the Plane Have to Clean Up

4. In order to pay for extra fuel the dreaded "$1 for every pound you're over 200 pounds" tax has been added to all tickets

3. All flights now will offer in air casinos

2. The stock's price on the screen says "Close to Zero"

1. Good News...free drinks. Bad News......$5 toilets

10. Someone from the options trading desk at Bear Sterns called the pit last week and asked if they could open the $2 puts.

9. The prospectus they sent you had blood stains on it.

8. When you call customer service it says. "For Hedge Fund Press 1" "For Hot Singles Press 2"

7. You heard about the fund from one of those emails that looked like a personal note but when you opened the thing it was a Bear Stearns "Hot Pick of the Week"

6. Your customer number is sucker438958

5. You notice that everyone in the main office has a copy of "The Grifters" sitting on the shelf.

4. After reading the terms you noticed that the returns are 2% maintenance fee and 100% of the profits.

3. The guy on the phone tells you the new name of the company is called Callamos Allametti Share Holders but you should just write C. A. S. H on the check

2. The stock is no longer trading on the NYSE but is now available on ebay

1. They just started an affiliate program

10. The finger is back on the menu. Now in 3 finger and "The Handful" sizes.

9. The kids at the drive through are going to actually start making eye contact when giving back change to every fourth customer.

8. Hoping to catch some of the Chipotle crowd they are introducing a new menue item called "The Mexican Burger" . It is a bacon double cheeseburger made by "a Mexican"

7. They have done away with prices and now are just going to have an "ebay like" auction for their food at 12:00 and 5:00

6. Since they couldn't afford to sign sign any deals with Disney, each kids club meal gets either an Arena Football League patch in the boys meal and a "How to do the Heimlich" in the girls meal.

5. Now on the 99 cent menu: Hotpockets

4. They are going to start setting the automatic change giver back thingee to short you a nickel each time because they know we never count the change that thing gives back.

3. A few of their stores are showing up at overstock.com

2. When they announced their latest store closing they said they are closing all stores in cities that start with the letter "C"

1. Old spokesman: Dave Thomas New spokesman: CarrotTop

10. Set up a dunk booth at the last campaign stop with a "Dunk Hillary for $5.01" Sign

9. Pushing rumors to the media that she has a sex tape with Jessica Alba and Carry Underwood

8. Has hired Morgan Freeman to narrarate all stories about her on the news for better effect

7. Has decided to switch from the power suit to the Catholic School Girl outfit for the rest of the campaign stops

6. Has started selling baseballs that say "I'm sorry I invested in Whitewater"

5. She keeps ending all her speeches with "And You Know I've Hacked the iPhone?"

4. She has gone to Mexico to start trying to get some of the Texas vote WAY in advance

3. Has Vowed to America to find out the "real" father of Michael Jackson's children

2. Has paid Papa Johns to spell "Vote For Hillary" out of pepperoni on every pizza delivered

1. Three words: Vice President God

I'm a relatively young man. I don't consider myself wise but I do pay attention more than most people my age. Obviously none of you online know me, but I am what you call mouthy. I love to tell stories, jokes, and in general my life is an open book. I love to have fun and tell those around me exactly what I'm thinking. Believe it or not when I am not talking I am doing something even more important, listening. I truly enjoy a good conversation and especially with those older. I give speeches (mostly on plants) and tomorrow is for a group of seniors 80 and older. Everyday I look at older people and think, what have they done right and what did they do wrong? Here is the list of what I have learned from people 70 and older in relation to finance. I have gathered it all from talking to seniors about what they did right and what they wish they had done.

1. Be patient
Money must be saved over a long period of time. Don't take high risks for quick returns. Investing is a marathon not a sprint.

2. Take the risks while you are young.
It is ok to take calculated high risks occasionally, but do them when you have time to make it up.

3. Don't gamble
Gambling is for the desperate and the poor. If you must, do small amounts and view it as
pure entertainment. You will never make money in the long run gambling

4. Stay healthy.
Good health keeps your mind sharp, your doctor bills low, you lifespan long, and lets you work more to make more money. Healthy people make more money

5. Laugh and Smile
See above. Happy people make more money.

6. Buy and car a keep it for many years or if you need a new one buy one a few years old.
A car is one of the biggest waste of money in our lives. People spend too much on new one. Should be buying newer used ones.

7. Everything in moderation.
I learned this from an older customer that used this as his mantra. He said he did everything in moderation from drinking to working. He said it was the key to life

8. Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty
The key to a happy marriage. A good marriage will help you save money or cost you a fortune if it goes bad. People stayed together longer in years past. They were a savings team.

9. Don't spend your money on worthless things.
Don't buy anything at the checkout counter, don't buy collectibles, don't buy all the worthless junk sold around you at the box stores.

10. Move
Stay active. The more you see the more you learn. The more learn the more ideas you have. The more ideas you have, the more chance you come up with something that will earn or save you money.

These are all my opinions as gathered by my ears. Some people may agree some may not but it's how I live my life. Enjoy

(disclaimer: a comical look not an advice column. Do Not Try This at Home)

8. Find someone that is about to front page on Digg that obviously stole the pictures from someone. Tell them that one of them is YOUR pictures and that you want a link. Digg the article and wait for the links to come flying in. Do this to two or three people a day and someone will bite each day.

7. Steal articles straight off the front page of Ebaum and post them as your own. Be very very careful as 98% of their material is stolen from someone else and you don't want to steal from the original source.

6. Go into every comment section for the top 200 posts in Reddit and type "Your Mama" with link back to your site. Sure to draw attention and clicks. People can't help but wonder what's behind a linked "Your Mama" quote.

5. Put $25 into Adwords and pay the minimum for "John Chow" keyword. Title your article "Why I Hate John Chow". Why would anyone hate John Chow? You have to come to the site to find out

4. Buy an email list for $100 bucks and send out an email linked to a post entitled "How to Stop the Emails about Someone Inheriting Money and Wanting You to Help" It's a topic that touches the heart of millions and begs to be read.

3. Go into all the forums like DNForum.com and SitePoint and post that you are trying to sell your website Engadget and link back to your site. Make sure to hire a lawyer on this one but really could generate alot of "buzz" with this approach

2. Join 10 Traffic Exchange websites. Then go and hire 50 people from China for 5 cents an hour to "SurfFarm" for you around the clock while you build up credits for traffic. Use your credits.

1. Write a funny song hire a cute girl that can sing on Craigslist . Call one "I Gotta Digg" , another "Gotta Reddit" another "Gotta Slashdot" and another "Gotta Boing Boing". Singing is not as important as hotness to get the clicks. How do I know? Look closely at who owns the url of the previous girl singer.

#0. Make up lies that draw controversy. Like pretending you hired the person that became super popular on Digg.

10. All the rooms in the hospital covered in your plan have bunk beds.

9. The nurse checks your throat and the stick has a slight taste of fudgecicle

8. The receptionist tells you the doctor is running late because the boss held him over at his other job.

7. Everyone's lab jackets at the hospital have Wonderbread logos and other sponsorship all over them

6. You read the fine print on your insurance statement and it says you are not covered for "anything above the ankles"

5. Your provider has a new "Roll the Dice" plan where you pay $5 a month but only covers heart attacks and car crashes.

4. The plan states it covers "most things that can't be fixed using WebMD"

3. Rather than specialist, the hospital has "Spin the Wheel of Doctors" in the lobby

2. All the IV drips are coin operated

1. Have a new buy 2 get 1 free cancer treatment sale going on in August because it's a slow month.

• Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton.
• The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickle the company once had.
• Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks - otherwise it will digest itself.
• The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
• A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
• Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
• Every person has a unique tongue print as well as fingerprints.
• 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
• On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
• During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
• Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
• Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
• Most lipstick contains fish scales.
• Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.
• Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
• Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
• Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
• Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
• There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
• The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!
• There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.
• A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
• The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
• If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
• Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
• Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
• The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
• Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
• Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them.

Visit site of origination

1. When a girl asks you for your number you give her your IP address

2. You have a photo studio set up to take "action photos" of your cats

3. During your first date you keep checking to see how many hits your blog received after that great article on Ubutu

4. You can't make dates on Tuesday nights because that is the night the waiver wire opens up in your fantasy football league.

5. You actually think Facebook is great for business networking

6. You haven't updated your porn collection from the 80's and think that women still like manbush

7. You ask a girl "What's your favorite font? " on the first date

8. You constantly spit out the phrase "You know what I like about High School Girls?"

9. The last time you got wood is when you almost unlocked your iPhone

10. Still think that the goatee is going to take the eyes of the balding head

I'll be running the Chicago Marathon Friday. I have been training to run a 3:15 marathon but it looks to be a hot day. The 3:15 would qualify me for Boston and would be 12 minutes better than last years marathon but slower than I ran a half marathon earlier this summer when I wasn't in shape. For $100 I will put your website on my shirt and expose you to over 1 million people this weekend. With the Cubs playing they expect crowds to be WAY over a million watching the race. Let me know. Now on to the comedy

10. Breakfast..McDonalds Lunch....McDonalds Dinner.......McDonalds

9. While waiting in the start corral you are wondering if wearing a brand new pair of shoes is a good idea.

8. Training program: 1 mile a day, 2 mile long run on the second Tuesday of next week.

7. You realize the night before that a marathon is 26.2 miles NOT 2.62

6. Your training book is "You can finish a Marathon" by Richard Simmons

5. At every aid station you take a gatoraide, a water, and a nap

4. You start to taper your training 6 months ahead of the race

3. The strategy that you will be using for the race is to keep up with the Kenyans for 5 miles, bag the time, and take it easy from there.

2. At mile 10 you realize the pain in your chest is the sad clown face of blood on your shirt from rubbing your nipples bare.

1. Flat Red Bull before the race: Good. Red Bull and Vodka before the race: Bad