The big news today is that Delta is tacking on extra surcharges for passengers trying to utilize the frequent-flier program.

Wow, not a nice reward for your most loyal customers. But you've gotta ask yourself, what's the worst thing you'd do to cut fuel costs?

The new surcharge will take effect on August 15th and will add a $25 fee to all tickets redeemed with frequent-flier miles for the U.S. and Canada, with a $50 charge added to international destinations, including Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

As we've tirelessly reported on earlier, the airlines are trying to combat high fuel prices by adding new fees to all checked luggage and taking away our delicious free snacks, even professional basketball teams aren't immune to the treachery.

It's all becoming quite a hit for consumers looking to fly this summer. You will find that flight prices are 2 to 3 times more expensive than they were this time last year. And in addition to the new fees, there will be fewer options for shopping around. Major airline mergers and canceled routes are another new trend that adds to the headache.

According to the Wall Street Journal article that broke the news, Delta aren't alone with the new plan:

Last month, AMR Corp.'s American Airlines said reinstating miles to a frequent-flier account would cost $150, up from $100. And two weeks ago, US Airways Inc. said starting July 9, it would add fees including charging frequent fliers to redeem miles, in addition to charging $15 for a first checked bag and other fees.

Also in April, travel experts said Delta's frequent-flier programs likely would see changes including a possible devaluation of some passenger miles amid the company's pending merger with Northwest Airlines Corp.

So if you were planning on redeeming those frequent-flier miles, I'd suggest you try and use them before August 15th. Hopefully you'll be available and find some place you fancy going in the next couple of weeks. Anyone like hot dogs as a July 4th vacation theme?

My idea for a new no-frills money-saving airline is to hire amateur pilots with no professional experience to fly extra large jumbo jets. I'll advertise it as 'Eh, Why Not? Airlines'. Then we'll really see how much safety is worth to the average consumer.

WSJ: Delta Adds Surcharge To Frequent-Flier Program, June 27, 2008

Airport security finally comes up with a good idea, hooray! For years now, tighter security precautions and more in-depth screening has caused the death of quick and breezy airport travel, but now with these new classified lines, you can blow past all the losers holding you up.

The chart at the left shows the three new security checkpoint line classifications air travelers can choose to join. The slow meandering family with a bunch of noisy kids gets the 'slow lane' big green circle.

The casual traveler who is familiar with all the rules, but doesn't want to be rushed gets a nice calming blue box (The guy on the logo is so cool too, look at his baseball cap and casual body posture).

Now are you ready for this? The black diamond lane is for experts only, baby. Out of the way, gramps! If you can't recite the 3-1-1 rule of acceptable liquids in your sleep forwards and backwards, don't even think of joining this line. I imagine the majority of these travelers are those traveling for business on tight deadlines. Type A personalities who are on the fast track to success and also want to be on the fast track to Gate 69.

Join the black diamond at your own peril. If you think you can handle it but, find yourself fumbling to take off your lace-up shoes and unbuckle your belt, and I'm sure you'll hear jeers about your incompetence from some surly corporate executive who needs to be in Seattle pronto. In these situations might I suggest heckling, "Stick to the Blue Square, fatso" and other such pejorative jabs.

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has announced that a number of these specialized lines are currently open for business at airports across the country. They include San Diego, LA, Boston, Raleigh, Orlando, Chicago, Houston, and Boise among others. Check out the full list or airports and tips of how to join the black diamond group. Good thing they got Boise in there, but no NYC, WTF? The people in New York need black diamond lanes at the corner deli, Starbucks, the bank, rectal exams, etc. and definitely at the airports around there.

The black diamond lines are said to decrease waiting time by 40% compared to the all-in-one cattle call system. It also appears to cause less stress among passengers, which is always good.

A commenter on the Consumerist offered this help with another line that should be added to speed things up:

That would certainly make security screeners' job a lot easier. Maybe just back up an old 20th century Paddy Wagon at then end of the Red line for would-be terrorists to hop right in?

TSA: Black Diamond Select Lines, June 23, 2008 via Consumerist

Two of the country's major airlines are taking one step closer to finalizing that merger they couldn't complete this spring. Who doesn't like second chances? But will it help passengers get cheaper plane tickets?

Continental and United Airlines will join in an 'unholy' alliance to share rewards, discount codes, customers, and frequent-flier points. It's not a merger yet, but just a plan for the two to work together in these slim-margin, high-fuel cost days.

This announcement basically puts an end to those other ongoing talks Continental had with American Airlines and British Airways. Ouch, burn!

A USA Today article has all the juicy, soap-opera-like merger betrayals:

American, a unit of AMR, and British Airways tried to lure Continental to its team, called oneworld. But a three-way deal grew less likely as Continental resumed its flirtation with United. Earlier this year, Continental and United were in advanced talks to become a single carrier.

But Continental walked away from the deal after UAL reported a huge loss for the first quarter. Continental Chief Executive Lawrence Kellner said the Houston-based carrier preferred to remain independent.

This Continental/United alliance will help reduce fuel costs for both the airlines and will assist with selling one another's flights. However, still yet to be seen: airlines passing on those cost reductions to their passengers.

Meanwhile, airlines are doing everything in their power to squeeze pennies out of in-flight snacks and checked luggage. Happy flying!

USA Today: Continental, United Join Alliance, June 19, 2008

First air travel took our free checked luggage, then they took our free snacks, and now security for these airports will probably take our last shred of dignity and decency. Nudie X-ray scanners are coming!

New state of the art digital imaging scanners used to detect weapons have made their way to airports all over the United States. Right now they are in use for random passenger screenings in Los Angeles, Baltimore, Denver, Albuquerque, and New York's JFK. Good thing they got Albuquerque in there. Plus 10 more airports including DC, Vegas, and Dallas will begin using them this month.

Using millimeter waves to bounce off selected passengers in a glass screening booth, the device is able to see through all clothing and perfectly illustrate a person's breasts and genitals. The new scanner is capable of getting a lot more detailed than the picture to the left, but officials will not release examples of it.

Speaking of that picture, was this image taken mid-flatulence or mid-urination? Either way, gross.

Many privacy groups are up in arms about this invasion of personal space, but the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is saying all faces will be blurred while viewing images and nothing can be saved or printed from the machines after the passenger has cleared security. Yeah, right! - "Supermodels, sorry to bug you, but could you walk through a few more times for me, please. Just following protocol here."

The reason for these new devices is to detect plastic and ceramic weapons that pass through standard metal detectors. The Pottery Class murderer's days are numbered.

After that woman was forced to remove her nipple rings with a pair of pliers during a security screening, I had a feeling we would be in for some updated technology. In my opinion, airport security just got 20 times sexier.

Engadget: Scanners See Through Clothes, June 6, 2008

AP: See Through Scanners Installed at 10 Airport, June 10, 2008

US Airways has announced today that it will cut all snack services on domestic flights.

Starting June 1st, the airline will institute this new policy to cut flight costs. As we reported last week, airlines have been cutting back services due to high fuel costs. They have even started instituting fees for the previously free 1st and 2nd pieces of checked luggage.

A load of old cynics and newspaper cartoonists have postulated that pretty soon we'll be paying for safety devices and oxygen masks. To them I would like to say: Not funny, guys! Don't even joke about that crap. Those are serious necessities for proper safe flying.

Before you get all worried on us, there are still some things the airlines hold sacred. According to the CNN Money article:

The airline is still providing complimentary soft drinks.

Hoorah, they can never take our generic Mr. Pibb away from us. But despite Jerry Seinfeld practically making a fortune off making fun of in-flight snacks, they have always been a welcome addition to long flights. I don't think I would eat a bag of peanuts anywhere else except for on a plane.

Someone should make a Snakes On A Plane spoof bringing light to the dire situation of 'Snacks On A Plane' becoming a forgotten relic.

[Enter Sam Jackson stage left, close-up shot revealing a stream of sweat on his furrowed brow, pause for two beats, then exclaim 'Who is responsible for the lack of motha-f-in snacks on this motha-f-in plane?!' ]

It could be the 'thrill ride' of the summer.

So what else is there to do on a plane besides stuffing your face with snacks? Try joining the mile high club! Or as Arj Barker would say, at least join the 'Solo Aviator Division'.

CNN Money: US Air cuts snacks on domestic flights, May 28, 2008

Exactly one month ago we reported that several major airlines began charging a $25 fee for a second checked bag, then today things got a whole lot worse for high maintenance chicks.

American Airlines announced yesterday that it will be implementing an additional $15 fee for each passenger's first checked bag on all domestic flights. That's right, now not even a single stowed bag will escape the wrath of the 'Additional Fees' monster. Chances are other airlines will soon follow the trend.

This announcement comes as a reaction to combat rising fuel costs and an increasingly bankrupt airline industry. What will your attractive girlfriend clad with 3 extra bags of 'stuff she just needs' do now? If you ever want to see her in that bikini, which you also bought, on Miami Beach, you better start saving now, buddy.

According to an article from the Associated Press, one guy hates on the suits:

"This is not going to apply ... to the people who can most afford it, the business traveler," said Bob Harrell of New York-based travel and aviation consulting firm Harrell Associates. "It's going to be the poor schmo, the vacation traveler, who ends up paying these fees."

Exactly. These are the poor schmoes who are incapable of bringing one single neat carry-on with them on a plane. The same clueless guys stuffing hot-air-balloon-sized Jansport backpacks into the overhead compartment. This is also the guy who thinks a laptop bag filled with 200 pounds of accessories still counts as a 'personal item'.

No, Sir. Not on my plane. (Insert Air Force One /Snakes On A Plane line here).

But really the airlines are just trying to screw someone else over for their tough quarter in the market.

American (the most patriotic of airlines) in particular announced they will be decommissioning 75 gas-guzzling older model airplanes. The airline will also be announcing thousands of layoffs across the board for their American Eagle airlines subsidiary, which I'm told, is not affiliated with the clothing company (follow up question: are the flight attendants hot?).

AP: American airlines to charge for first checked bag, May 22, 2008

Business Review: American Airlines to lay off thousands, May 22, 2008

The unfortunate timing of 'Champion Airlines' going out of business might leave two NBA playoff teams sitting on the tarmac.

Things weren't looking good for Champion Air recently. They were struggling to stay alive during the current economic recession and were barely able to keep up with these record-high oil prices. As the prices continued to increase, the luxury airline announced it will be ceasing operations on May 31st of this year.

No one could be harder hit than Champion Air's 'biggest customers' - the 7-footers on the Los Angeles Lakers' and San Antionio Spurs' NBA rosters. Both teams use the airline for all their domestic travel flights.

This realization comes courtesy of CNBC's Sports Biz reporter, Darren Rovell, who contemplates what this could mean for the playing abilities of these teams. He explains:

...the NBA will have to find a replacement for Champion, whose contract was supposed to expire at the end of the season, but must discontinue service due to the economic slowdown, the tight credit markets and $130 a barrel oil.

NBA spokesman Mike Bass told me that they are currently reviewing their options, including have the teams fly with a major carrier (not commercial) or perhaps a well-known charter service. Champion was an ideal charter service for the NBA because six of its planes were fitted to have only 59 seats, all first class. But it’s got to be uncomfortable now.

It's easy to imagine the frustration that many passengers felt last month when they were notified of Delta airlines' flight cancellations due to safety checks, but imagine what 6'11" Tim Duncan would say after being cramped in a coach-class seat for his long flight to LA?

The Spurs are already familiar with major airline inconveniences and Champion Air from last night's incident after they defeated the New Orleans Hornets in the conference Semi-Finals. Their plane experienced technical problems and was grounded for 5 hours in New Orleans in the middle of the night.

At around 2am, all of the players were told they would need to remain on the plane while waiting for their next departure window at 7am. Apparently there was a large telecommunications conference going on in New Orleans that night, causing there to be no available hotel rooms for the weary basketball players. This news broke to the public via a French newspaper reporter who spoke to Spurs point-guard, Tony Parker, on the plane. I guess all the English-speaking players were keeping quiet about the incident?

I've got to imagine the Spurs are pissed at this point. Everyone gets sick of crappy airline food, late arrivals and prodding airport security, but this? Don't be surprised if you see another Pacers/Pistons-style brawl at the airport in the coming weeks.

CNBC: Lakers/Spurs Could Find Themselves Ground In NBA Playoffs, May 20, 2008

ESPN: Tough Night On The Place For The Spurs, May 20, 2008

Maybe leave that extra corpse at home? New extra fees for a second bag might make you rethink your packing choices.

5 of the 6 major airlines are mandating a $25 extra bag fee for a second piece of checked luggage.

The new fees imposed by Delta, Northwest, Continental, United, US Airways, and AirTran (which is charging a lower - $10 fee) are being implemented to offset rising fuel costs, and are probably a necessary cash influx in the midst of all the airline mergers and bankruptcy news from last week.

This all means the most inconvenienced passengers will be the non-frequent consumer vacationer or traveler. You guys are going to take most of the hit from this one.
The new mandate will cause other uncomfortable consequences on board too. Fees for checked luggage will just force fliers to attempt to bring more carry-on bags aboard. Pretty soon those overhead luggage bins will look as stuffed as a clown car. And you will probably be the guy who gets the diaper bag spilled all over you when those overheads are opened too hastily.

The New York Times article breaking this news is pandering to the outraged businessman who will be ever-so-slightly inconvenienced by these new fees:

Pete Mitchell, director of business-to-business sales for the luggage manufacturer Samsonite, said he often traveled with one-of-a-kind items he is reluctant to send via a shipping service. “We’ll bring them prototypes and production samples,” Mr. Mitchell said.

This guy is a salesman for Samsonite, the travel luggage company? Is he putting a fancy suitcase prototype inside his second checked bag? This is a perfect example of the type of guy who should be paying these extra fees. Charge this guy 50 bucks for that.

Got any tips for getting around this extra fee? Let us know in the comments section.

New York Times: Airlines to Charge for Second Bag, April 22, 2008

In light of all the recent news surrounding airline bankruptcies and mergers, you might want to heed these warning signs...

10. They hedged their fuel by buying $500 in Sam's Club Fuel Cards

9. The new sign in the terminal reads "BYOB" Bring Your Own Blankets

8. The Flight Attendant asks if she can borrow your iPod touch to plug in to the video unit so they can have an in flight movie

7. You look into the cockpit and noticed that the pilots are those blow up dummies from the movie "Airplane"

6. There are Google Ads running on the back of all the seats

5. Last 5 People Off the Plane Have to Clean Up

4. In order to pay for extra fuel the dreaded "$1 for every pound you're over 200 pounds" tax has been added to all tickets

3. All flights now will offer in air casinos

2. The stock's price on the screen says "Close to Zero"

1. Good News...free drinks. Bad News......$5 toilets