Apparently old people are driving around with 'WTF' license plates and now they aren't happy about it.

Silicon Alley Insider got this little gem from a local North Carolina news channel:

Thanks to some text message-savvy grandchildren, North Carolina drivers whose license plates have the potentially offensive "WTF" letter combination can replace the tags for free.

The News & Observer of Raleigh reported Tuesday the state Division of Motor Vehicles has notified nearly 10,000 holders of license plates with the letter combination....

The DMV recently realized the same letters appeared on the sample license plate on its own Web site. Officials are trying to remove the plate from the site.

But what kind of sense does it make to allow these people to change all their license plates now? What's next? Will all the 'STFU's, 'GFY's, and 'TL;DR's be next? All those NC prisoners aren't going to be happy working overtime to mold all those new replacement plates (or is that just in the movies?).

What if we allowed this kind of willy-nilly changing for inappropriate stock ticker symbols? It would be madness.

Thank goodness for all those 'text-message savvy' grandkids, though! We really dodged a bullet on this one. But this is slippery slope, my friends. Beware.

SAI: North Carolina DMV Slowly Adapts To Digital Age, June 27, 2008

Ever since Tiger Woods won the US Open in epic fashion and then announced he is taking the rest of the year off to rehab his knee, there hasn't been much to report in the world of golf. That is, until the 'Tiger Woods Apple Core Saga of 2008'.

Darren Rovell, from CNBC, is keeping track of the remnants of an apple supposedly eaten by Tiger Woods during his glorious US Open run. It's a story of intrigue, hard reporting, America's most beloved piece of fruit and mystery.

Rovell first started this journey of produce investigation by tracking down and messaging the 'buyer' and 'seller' of the Tiger Woods apple core that sold for $36,000 on eBay this week. The seller's description here:

"I was at the US Open this Friday, following Tiger Woods down the 12th Fairway, after his tee shot, he was eating an apple, 30 yards from his ball he discarded his apple core in the rough, I asked a photographer to kick it over my way, and he did, I never touched the core, Scooped it up in a empty beer cup, as not to disrupt the DNA, I've got lots of witness'...all moneys go to my daughters college fund."

Rovell doesn't believe it. He's a man of facts and mission, and without (1.) photos of Tiger eating said apple, (2.) a written letter from Tiger explaining he did indeed discard an apple matching that description, or (3.) signed affidavits corroborating the seller's story from several eyewitness friends, vindication will not arrive from that particular CNBC reporter. (More photos and speculation after the jump):

(The '$36,000' - first apple)

It turned out to all be for nought anyway, as eBay has removed the apple from its listing. Additionally the 'buyer' of the $36,000 apple responded to Rovell saying he had no intention of paying for it and that it was merely a joke to bid on it. The prankster 'buyer' also revealed the somewhat dismaying fact that he did not earn that amount of money during a year of work.

But the saga does not end there, my friends. Another eBay Tiger Woods apple has emerged for sale. Having become an expert on celebrity apples this morning, I can safely say this new apple looks to be more authentic. Although the 'evidence' is still not up to Rovell's standards, I am quite impressed with the accompanying US Open plastic cup and the intact, analyzable dirt particles stuck into the apple.

(The second and 'more believable' $630 apple?)

Plus it's a green granny smith apple, that totally seems like Tiger's playoff snack style. And to sweeten the deal, Tiger supposedly ate this apple during the suspense-filled playoffs against Rocco Mediate in the US Open.

This thing is up to $630 this morning, so if I were you I would act fast. And if you're the type of person that would buy this apple, would you also finish eating it or save it? A friend of mine thinks by eating it, you might be transferred Wood's golfing prowess. It's possible, right?

CNBC: Getting To The 'Core' of the Tiger Woods Apple, June 26, 2008

CNBC: Tiger Apple Core Proven Fake Until Real, June 25, 2008

USA Today: Tiger collector to eBay: How do you like these apples?, June 25, 2008

eBay: The Real Deal Apple?

Starting last Friday, Google users in Germany were no longer able to check their GMail accounts for new messages. A cryptic message on the Google homepage only left users with more questions.

According to The Local, an English language German news site, the message that appeared stated:

"We can't provide service under the Gmail name in Germany; we're called Google Mail here instead. If you're traveling in Germany, you can access your mail at http://mail.google.com. Oh, and we'd like to link the URL above, but we're not allowed to do that either. Bummer."

Not allowed? That's weird. But Google is adhering to a German court decision that it is not technically 'legally obligated' to recognize.

A German businessman, Daniel Giersch, owns the 'Gmail' copyright in Germany. He has been suing Google for its use in his country since 2005. As of the summer of 2007, a German court officially ruled that Google would be infringing on Mr. Giersch's copyright if it allowed Google users to link to their 'Gmail accounts', as they were formerly called. Instead, Google is referring to the email service as the painfully arduous 'Google Mail' in Germany.

Speaking of painfully arduous, German Googlers are required to manually copy and paste the "http://mail.google.com" URL into their browsers. WTF? That's so totally year 1996 web surfing right there.

Stefan Keuchel, a Google spokesperson told The Local:

"This will in no way affect our ability to provide email to our users in Germany who will continue to enjoy the same experience as all other users, wherever they are in the world."

That's gotta be annoying for all those Germans looking for great e-mail service. Somehow I think Daniel Giersch's 'Gmail' is inferior to Google's version, but that's just an assumption I came up with because his is a paid email subscription service. Who wants that?

The Local: Google loses right to Gmail name in Germany, June 23, 2008

Looking through old cigarettes ads like the one shown is both a hilarious and scary experience. To think an entire generation of people was brainwashed into thinking doctors and medical professionals believed some cigarettes were "good for you".

But apparently Altria's Phillip Morris USA has been trying to market a new cigarette that doesn't kill you as good, or something?

According to a Clusterstock report, Marlboro Ultra Smooth was a version of Marlboro that used a high-technology filter designed to be safer.

But that all came to an end today as the company announced it made its last 'safe' cancer stick and would be closing the doors on Ultra Smooth. In spite of brilliant ideas like that, the cigarette industry continues to decline.

US sales fell 4.5% last year and many Philip Morris analysts expect sales "to decline at an annual rate of between 2.5% and 3% in the coming years," according to the Wall Street Journal article cited.

Tough break, I feel really bad for those cigarette companies. If only they could bring back all the addicted people they caused to die? Someone should really look into that.

Clusterstock: Altria (MO)Gives Up On Safer Cigarette, Back To Cancer Sticks, June 23, 2008

What’s the big deal? It’s two things guys like -condoms and beer- merging together to make the perfect cross promotional marketing scheme. Great idea, right? Wrong.

The story goes, one guy was polishing off a brew at his local watering hole and looked down to see the distinctive Trojan logo sitting at the bottom of his glass. Upon further inspection it turns out it wasn’t a condom or a condom wrapper at all, merely a sticker slapped on the base of the glass peering up at him. On the reverse side is the image of a pig’s snout.

It’s all part of Trojan’s ‘evolve’ ad campaign aimed at painting condomless ‘bare-back’ lovers as pig-like sexual deviants. It seems to be a pretty effective TV commercial, although whenever I see it I can’t help but notice the ‘pigs’ look like they are having a really good time.

But as a sticker advertisement on the bottom of my drink? It grosses me out way too much. The Consumerist points out that it feels an awful lot like drinking Stifler’s bedroom beer in the original American Pie movie. I’m not sure I would go that far, but it does make me think twice about that frothy last sip of backwash in my glass.

Holy Juan: A Condom In My Beer, June 10, 2008 via Consumerist

Everyone knows that when you can't go with the first choice of 'being innocent to begin with', then 'faking your own death' is the second best way to avoid jail time.

Samuel Israel III, a hedge fund manager who was convicted of fraud, faked his own death last week.

U.S. Marshals confirmed yesterday that Samuel Israel was not dead, but on the run from the law after authorities found his abandoned car near a bridge on the Hudson River. The car had a note scrawled in dirt on the windshield that said 'Suicide is painless.' I thought people only wrote notes like that saying, 'Wash me', or 'This car's owner is a loser' or the always-popular cartoon phallus?

But nobody was buying the note. Another inaccuracy in Israel's plan - Jumping off a bridge into the Hudson River probably wouldn't be painless anyway. Depending on the height, there's a good chance you'd survive the fall but suffer horrendously immobilizing injuries. Then slowly drown to death. Not a very 'painless' way to go. He should have made the note say 'Whoopsies!'. That's way more believable.

After his body didn't show up on the shores of the river for over a week, police had enough evidence to announce that it was all a fake suicide plan.

Israel instituted his little scheme exactly one week before he was due to begin serving a 20-year prison sentence in Massachusetts.

According to a Reuters report, the guy sounds like kind of a dick anyway:

In April, Israel was sentenced for fabricating investment returns, making up an accounting firm to sign off on documents and ultimately stealing $450 million from investors, including Indiana's DePauw University.

He was out on bail to allow time for prison officials to prepare his medication, court documents show.

They let you go home before a big jail sentence while they 'prepare your medication'? That's such a cop out! Seriously, you guys gotta tighten up your security a little bit. A crook like this is obviously a flight risk.

The law firm that unsuccessfully defended Israel also represented a client in 2006 who fled the country after being convicted of stock options backdating charges. That fugitive CEO is enjoying the fun and sun in Namibia right now.

Good to see that the law offices of 'Lose, Escape & Flee' are getting some great publicity.

Reuters: Missing Fund Manager Not Dead, June 17, 2008

FakeMyDeath: How To

Supermarkets and fast-food restaurants in the U.S. have started throwing out their tomatoes in response to the recent salmonella outbreak. and the Florida tomato industry looks to be in 'complete collapse' as a result.

According to a report in the Wall Street Journal:

Since April, public-health authorities in the U.S. have reported 145 cases of a type of salmonella known as "Saintpaul." No deaths have been reported, but the illness has caused 23 hospitalizations, according to the Food and Drug Administration. The outbreak has been linked to certain kinds of uncooked tomatoes grown in certain regions of the country, but the source of the affected tomatoes hasn't yet been identified.

Was St. Paul the patron saint of salmonella? Not sure where that one comes from. But yesterday businesses such as Wal-Mart, Kroger's, Burger King, Chipotle and McDonald's, which all use or sell fresh tomatoes, announced they were pulling tomatoes off menus and store shelves.

At the same time a Reuters report explains that $40 million worth of Florida's tomato crop will rot while regulators trace the source of the problem. During these summer months, Florida produces 90% of the nation's tomato crop and is valued at $700 million annually.

Reggie Brown, executive vice president of the Florida Tomato Growers Exchange, announced his predicament:

We probably have $40 million worth of product we can't sell. We've had to stop packing, stop picking.

If some film studio decided to make a major motion picture about 'Tomato Scare '08", I bet there will be a dramatic scene in there where someone runs into the Tomato factory and screams at the top of their lungs, "Stop the picking and packing machines!" Then he'll probably slam on some bright red emergency stop button, which should be in the shape of a large cartoon tomato.

But it's not just the lost crop that growers are worried about. After the spinach E coli scare last year, it took a long time for greens and spinach to make a financial comeback. There was a lot of lost revenue as many Americans swore off the vegetable in fear of contracting the bacteria many months after the 'all clear' signal was given.

One woman is not taking the Tomato Scare of 08 very well:

Vegetarian Beth McCoy was disappointed that her veggie sandwich came without tomato. "You wait all winter for a good tomato," said the 35-year-old administrative coordinator for a nonprofit health-care association. "I'm worried about a summer without tomatoes."

Me too, Beth. Me too.

Reuters: Florida tomato industry in 'full collapse', June 10, 2008

Wall Street Journal: Grocers and Restaurants Toss Out Tomatoes, June 10, 2008

Once you thought things couldn't suck anymore in the financial sector, another Wall Street player is apologizing for screwing up.

Lehman Brothers, one of the top Wall Street banks working in investment banking, investment management, private equity, etc. said today that it had some bad news for everyone who doesn't like bad news.

The big LEH announced it would be taking nearly $2.8 billion in 2nd quarter write-downs and would be taking its first quarterly loss as a public company. Compare this $2.8 billion loss to the $489 million profit they made this time last year. Wall Street and the financial world have become much different places since those care-free, hug your neighbor, make some money days.

Many people thought that Lehman was one of the good guys. A solid bank that wouldn't get involved in all the messiness that Citi, Merrill Lynch, and (taking things to a whole new level) Bear Stearns were wading through. But it looks like almost no one is coming out of this down-turn in the economy and never-ending fallout from subprime unscathed. Well, Goldman Sachs is still the pretty boy on the block, but they're like in a league of their own.

A NY Times article detailing the announcement, tried to explain how it happened:

The losses came from negative mark-to-mark adjustments, or the loss in the value of an asset and losses from its own trading activities, called principal trading.

But no one was really surprised that Lehman would take a loss, the real shock comes from how much of a loss. It's all about giving the right estimates. And this quarter's LEH estimates were wayyyy undersold. No one thought it would be this bad. I guess someone forgot a few zeros somewhere?

And now Lehman's plan to rebound? Raise $6 billion in fresh capital from investors. Easier said than done, right? Lehman is selling off a portion of their stock offerings to make up for the debt. However, the stock has been down almost 10% of its previous value this morning on the news of this announcement.

But guess who is stepping up saying 'We got yer back on some of that fresh capital'? Well it's everyone's favorite Garden State. The New Jersey Division of Investment, which manages over $80 billion in public pension money, is apparently in the business of 'rescuing' those hit hard by write-downs. Need some credentials? Just ask Merrill Lynch, who NJ helped out a few months ago when they found themselves on hard times.

But if NJ can't get the job done, what else can the Lehman 'Bash' Brothers do to survive? Maybe they should team up with those delightful Jonas Brothers. Those guys are so wholesome and talented, there's no way anyone would 'short' them.

Dow Jones: Lehman To Raise $6 Billion After Deep $2.8 Billion Loss, June 9, 2008

NY Times: Lehman Posts Loss and Plans To Raise Capital, June 9, 2008

Many Americans hold a view of China that is slightly skewed. With news reports showing that China is purchasing billions of dollars of American debt, worries are growing that those noodle-eating,Yao-Ming-loving Chinese may soon 'own us'. But how accurate is that statement and what effect do the Olympics have on all this?

Basically, China wants the Olympics to be its Super Sweet 16 party. They want all the cutest boys to be there and "hope it's going to be like totally awesome." The country isn't by any means getting a deeper voice or experiencing some awkward hair growth but rather, economically and politically they want to hang with the big boys and start going to some older kids parties. Maybe even do a little drinking...

Like a debutante ball, China is stepping out and is open for business. For the most part, the United States and President Bush are on board. We've hooked them up with a sweet fake ID and our backing has helped them host the big Olympic party.

There have already been plenty of setbacks though. Between the Tibet protests and a horrific earthquake, China is showing some real balls in keeping this thing on track.

However, the unprecedented growth and expansion of free trade with China may see some setbacks in the coming years. The presidential race between Obama and McCain has one big continent-sized talking point over our Chinese economic policy.

• Obama has recently started criticizing America's borrowing from China.

• According to an article in BusinessWeek magazine, Hillary Clinton, whose husband arguably did more to improve American-Chinese trade relations than anyone else, is now sounding the alarm about:
  

  "our slow erosion of economic sovereignty."

• McCain, for his part, has been noticeably cool on Chinese relations. He has defended his claims that Chinese -American trade ties need to be solidified and increased.

In spite of all of this, many of those in fear think China could still sink the American economy. But in reality, if China were to do that, it would be shooting itself in the foot.

The United States is China's biggest export market. They need us to consume their countless Wal-Mart toys, poison dog-food, and lead-based Thomas the Tank Engine collectibles.

So, although they are happily buying up our debt, we really shouldn't be afraid they'll use it to take a proverbial 'dump' on our economy. They have an extremely vested interest in the health of our consumer and our economy in general. Some might even argue they will continue to bend over backwards to improve our financial state.

Do you still feel your Chinese economic fears are justified? Did you get food poisoning from your local Wok N' Roll? Or are you just psyched for some hot female Olympic swimmers? Let us know in the comments section.

BusinessWeek: Olympic Diplomacy: Don't Fear China, May 28, 2008

The Student Loan industry has been hit hard during the current credit crisis. Some of their new conservative policies may remind you of that stuck-up girl who wouldn't date you.

All of a sudden 2-year colleges and other community college schools aren't good enough to be lent to. Are the students attending those and other 'less competitive institutions' not worthy of affording an education? According to many of the biggest banks (PNC, Citibank, JP Morgan, SunTrust) that's exactly correct.

40% of America's undergraduates are enrolled in community colleges. That's 6.2 million of the total 14.8 million. Many of these students are using their local college as a stepping stone to a 4-year institution or are pursuing associate degrees for better career options. So what are they supposed to do when they can't pay the bills? Resort to crime?

Here's where the stuck-up bitchiness kicks in. According to an article about this in the New York Times yesterday:

Some loan companies have exited the student loan business entirely, viewing it as unprofitable in the current environment. By splitting out community colleges and less-selective four-year institutions, some remaining lenders seem to be breaking the marketplace into tiers. Students attending elite, expensive, public and private four-year universities can expect loans to remain plentiful. The banks generally say these loans are bigger, more profitable and less risky, in part perhaps because the banks expect the universities’ graduates to earn more.

Some may call it "simple economics", or explain, "That's capitalism, baby. We're running a business not a charity here!" To them I say, point taken, but what's next?

How about when they draw a line between private schools and state schools? Between Ivy Leaguers and non-Ivies? Pretty soon will Harvard doctorate candidates be the only ones eligible for a student loan? Besides, those nerds probably come from the wealthiest top 5% of the country anyway.

NYTimes: Student Loans Start To Bypass 2-Year Colleges, June 2, 2008